I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize