Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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