you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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