So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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