Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
