Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
