I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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