some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish life had little blips of pornography
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
