When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize