I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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