3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
