he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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