Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
