When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
