I think im going to throw up on grandma
this just has baby written all over it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
