What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
