No more Irish car bombs ever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
