I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
