im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
