my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
