is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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