And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
