Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
two words...techno handjob
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
