So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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