the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
