he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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