Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize