her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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