Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Shame - the story of my life.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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