I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
