I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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