Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
