i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize