matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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