This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
