She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
