I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
