will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
