His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
