I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
