I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
