i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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