This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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