I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
