I must be too annoying 4 u.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
