I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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