You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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