Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
