im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
