so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Rumble strips road head = magical
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
