Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
