You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am available for nakedness
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
