what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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