her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
