I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
