When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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