Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
