My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
