you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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