Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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