Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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