not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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