i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
