I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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