i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I fill condoms, not promises.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Randomize
