Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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