12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
