Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
