In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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